The apocalypse is coming on December 21st. Whether it happens via a giant asteroid, the rise of the antichrist, or the sudden uprising of the planet’s animals, we’re done for by the end of the year.

This site is your lifeline — literally. We will explain how to survive the apocalypse in whatever form it takes. Check daily for tips and advice.

Thank god there are brave-hearted people out there to help us.

kelmunger:

The Monterey County Weekly does a quick rundown of 2012 end-of-the-world scenarios, complete with a local guy who can tell you how to use a big-ass machete to save yourself—if you should need a “Plan B.”

If the antichrist comes with the apocalypse, he’s going to give everyone an ID number and bar code. The code will be tattooed on your forehead. If you want to make sure you get your favorite number, get it tattooed now.

Knives. Get lots of knives.

Despite what those Hollywood movies may suggest, your sex life will be over as soon as that first mangled, rotting corpse shows up on your front lawn. 

But sex isn’t all we’re talking about here. Like ice cream? Wish it goodbye. Get a kick out of reality TV? That’ll be gone. Unless you’re like one of those psychos who enjoys kicking babies in the face, you’re not going to enjoy the apocalypse much. Get used to not having any pleasure in your life now.

All relationships with other humans are futile. Will your girlfriend tell you which mushrooms are poisonous and which aren’t? Will your next-door neighbor kill that wild boar charging at you? No. Make it easier on yourself and break off your relationships now.

That said, social media is still relevant, so keep reading this blog.

The first thing to do to get ready to survive is eliminate those ideas in your mind that won’t help you. We’ll examine some of those weaknesses over the next few days.